How Do You Swallow This???

My church is doing Vacation Bible School, but it's for six Sundays instead of five straight days. Our theme is sailing, with the bad guys being pirates. Anyway, all the helpers, including myself, wear sailor hats. As we were on our way home, I took my hat off and saw the tag on the inside. It was here that I found one of the dumbest things I've ever read: "WARNING: Choking hazard, small parts, not intended for children under three years"!!! I began to examine the hat thinking I had missed something. I tried to find small parts on the hat, but I could not. There were no buttons, strings, or even loose threads! How many parents have ever walked into a room and screamed, "Oh zucchini, junior's choking on his hat!!!" I can see a three-year-old trying to pull that oversized sailor hat from his air passage. Further more, what three-year-old child has ever looked at a sailor hat that was about seven sizes too big for him and said to himself, "I think I shall try to force this white whozzamajigger into my lungs!"
Don't forget to check out our website at www.foresterministries.com!

-Joshua

The Drama of Dairy Queen- by Stephen

I think that I have mentioned here in the past that I have a part-time job at Dairy Queen. It's not the highest paying job on the planet, (made obvious by the fact that I am currently receiving financial support from a ten-year old boy in Zimbabwe) but it has raised some much-needed funds for our ministry. Anyway, recently I was at work when disaster struck.......Chuck Norris announced that he was running for President!
OK, it wasn't that bad, but it was a bit embarrassing. Someone pulled up to the drive-through and ordered some food and a coffee. It was going to take a couple of minutes to make the food fresh, so we asked if they could pull through and around to the other side to park and we would bring it out to them as soon as it was done.
But while we were waiting for the food to finish dripping off grease, Daryl, my manager, asked me to go make the coffee. I immediately began fasting and praying for a miracle, because I knew that that would be the only way I could accomplish this task! You see, I have never been able to swallow a sip of coffee in my life, (I'm pretty sure that it's made from devil's blood) so if I don't even drink it, how should I know how to make it?
I panicked. Daryl seemed to know that something was wrong, so he started telling me how to add the coffee mix and make the hot water come out of the coffee-making spicket . Normally you would fill the pot first and then pour the cup, but since we were in a hurry he said to pour it strait into the cup......but as the coffee line neared the top of the cup, I wondered " What do I do after the cup is full?"
The next thing that I remember was hot coffee spilling all over my hand and all over the floor as I shook in such a panic that I thought I was having a seizure! (had I been in my right mind I might have thought to put the stupid pot under the stupid thingy!) That wasn't embarrassing enough....now I had to take the coffee and the food outside. I set the coffee down (thank God) and went to grab the food. I was supposed to take them out together, but I started out the door with just the food, and promptly slipped on a wet floor and fell flat on my (Blessed Assurance).
Yeah, it was quite the day. But I must say that I have learned a lot from working there. For one thing, I have learned temperance and patience. This job has caused soooooo much grief at times that I had to learn how to properly handle that I think God has helped me prepare for the ministry. I have also learned compassion for those who do not know the Lord. I have seen that they really are good people who need him, and it has moved me to pray for them and be a witness for Christ.
Wow! I guess God can teach you a lot even in a fast food restaurant

-Stephen

Opera: Latin For "Death By Music"

I have things against classical music and I have things against opera. Satan invented opera. I know this because it came after the fall of man, but even God wouldn't judge us like that! My mom went with my dad to see The Phantom of the Opera in Toronto, and I was fortunate to have missed it. True, Andrew Lloyd Webber is a musical genius, and there were one or two songs on the CD (yeah, she bought it) that were okay, but I cannot listen all day to "The Phaaaaaaaaaaaaaantom-of-the-opera-is-theeeeeeeeeerrrrrre! Insiiiiiiiiiiide my miiiiiiind!" Yeah he's in my mind, giving me a migrane! All the music is too high, full of vibrato, and retains the ability to make your ears bleed both internally and externally. Sometimes my mom will play that CD all day long.......on these days, I turn off the main breaker. If she figures this out, I hide the CD while she's in the basement turning the power back on.
Stop by our website, www.foresterministries.com, and check us out, take a look at our CDs, and find out where we'll be next in our ministry!

-Joshua

How Stupid Can We Really Be???

Okay, I was working with my dad again today and we were on a gas station roof. We had to replace a little fan motor that wasn't even a foot long or wide, and I noticed something on the box; be advised, the following is a true story and not for the faint of brainpower. On the top flap of the little box was something I deemed highly unnecessary: instructions. "What's wrong with instructions" you say? Instructions to open the stupid box????? I'm not kidding, there were three moronic steps on how to open the dumb thing, and they were as follows: 1- Hold flaps open..............no, duh. 2-Turn box upside down on flat surface.........nah, I wanna turn it sideways on a hill. 3- Lift box straight up.....what if I want to lift it in a curved motion? Come on, how stupid do they think we are??? I just wanna know how many of you have a friend that actually has to read that to figure out what to do.... "Oh, boysenberry, how do I get the motor out of this cardboard fortress????"

Make sure you stop by our website and check out our store at http://www.foresterministries.com/. We hope to see you in concert soon!

-Joshua

You Need Me, Gaither!!!

I have here a list of reasons why I think Bill Gaither should bring me into his tours....(should he ever find out I exist):

There is a Christian duty to be filled: Frankly, most of the great Homecoming Heroes have gone on, causing a gap that must be filled by younger folks. I am merely a willing vessel, a young and humble individual that is willing to allow the Lord to use him to reach the lost with the Good News of God's saving grace. I have no need of fortune or fame (Hi Mom!), I am only a humble servant, praying that the Lord will see fit to allow me to serve Him.

Gaither needs talent: I think that he needs someone who has talent, someone with that aura of wonderfulness and funny-bone factor that can make audiences laugh 'til they cry........... oh, sudoku, I just gave a reason why he WOULDN'T hire me!!!

And lastly.............I'm free anytime he wants me: I still have a few bookings that he can use me with (67...68...69...), and I believe I can work him into my schedule! I usually don't like to play favorites, but if he really needs me this much, I guess I can make an exception.

Yeah.........right. With my luck, some foot doctor named Phil Gaither will want me to help him pull fungus out of people's toes! "No, you don't need a tool, just reach in and get it with your fingers!" Oh well. I know that the Lord has a plan and I am eager to see what He is already doing with our ministry. Be sure to check us out at www.foresterministries.com and take a look at our CDs!

-Joshua

I Am Never Eating Chinese

My dad and I were working in a Chinese restaurant today and I realized that I really don't like Chinese food after all. I haven't seen the menu in that place, but after taking a look at the kitchen, I'm pretty sure all they serve there is grease. Plus, do they know what a sink is for? The chef took his hand (who knows where it had been?) and stuck it down into some liquid, then poured it into a big pan with the food. Now I've got to wondering where his hand was before. I have visions of him coming out of the bathroom saying, "We're all out of soap!" Plus, I can't prove it, but I'm pretty sure some lady swore at me in Chinese......either that or she just saved a bunch of money on her car insurance by switching to Geico.

Be sure to check out our website, www.foresterministries.com, and take a look at our CDs in the store!

-Joshua

June 29th concert & TV

In his last blog Josh told a little about our recent concert down at First Baptist Church of Berrian Springs, so I thought that I would say a little more about it since it feels like an eternity since I last published a blog! (in the future, I will try to stay on top of this better)
Anyway, last Sunday went very well. The crowd was very responsive and they really seemed to enjoy every thing that we did. I sang a song from my new CD called "Just A Little While", and Josh and I made it a smash by throwing our puppets into it. I would like to say more about it, but I don't want to spoil all of the fun for those who haven't seen it yet!

The other day I was watching a re-run of the old TV show Walker, Texas Ranger. One almost can't watch that show with a straight face, because at some point you WILL find something to laugh about!
For one thing, have you noticed that the star of the show, Chuck Norris, never showed ANY kind of emotion? It doesn't matter where he is or what happens, he seems to think that one emotion fits all, almost as if to say: " I'm really concerned for this person, but you would never know it by the stupid look that aways plasters my face!
Also, what about the collateral damage that rattles Dallas, Texas in every episode? By the second season, I figure that if everything they did was real, that they would have annihilated Dallas along with half of Houston. And did you notice that every thug and pre-school reject seemed to know kung-fu? Most of the bad guys that he fought knew just a little, but not enough to beat him? All he really had to do (as the bad guy was flying through the air for a kick into his chest) was step aside and let him fall through the window!
Don't get me wrong, Walker fan club, I actually enjoy his show. In fact, I have five seasons of it on DVD and hope to acquire more soon! So why do I like it if I think it's a little goofy?.....Probably because, like the Three Stooges, "It's a guy thing!"
Don't forget that our new Cd's are now up for sale on our website. You can get one for fifteen dollars, or both for twenty! I hope that you enjoy listening to them as much as we did making them.

-Stephen